What I've Done
by tinseltowns
Summary: Eli's been fading fast, holding on to Clare like a security blanket. She needs the space, and Eli can't handle it...  Inspired by the new TeenNick promo.
1. What I've Done

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Degrassi, any of the characters, or the lyrics/music to What I've Done (Linkin Park; Minutes to Midnight)

**A/N:** I thought I should write a little story today ;) and voila! Here it is :)

Thank you so much for all the positive feedback on Straitjacket and Into the Mystery. I was jumping up and down at how many people read it :)

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**What I've Done...**

_In this fair world, there's no blood, there's no allibies,_

_'Cause I've drawn regret from the truth of a thousand lies,_

_So let mercy come, and wash away..._

Eli stared blankly at the wall, deep in thought. Everything had gone wrong today; Clare had said he was suffocating her. He didn't, couldn't, understand what he'd done to make her feel this way. He'd given her everything he had, tried to make her understand how he really felt about her. He loved her more than anything in the world.

Clare was the only thing that'd gone right in Eli's life.

"I...I love you..." he whispered, the words he uttered floating like smoke into the air. He felt as if he could float away like those words, just leave this world and all the judgments made. Float away, just like Julia had...

With that, he stood up, grabbing his car keys from the desk next to his bed. Eli stormed downstairs, flinging the front door open only to slam it behind him as he walked to Morty. He turned the key in the ignition, music blaring from the speakers as he backed out of his driveway. He needed some sort of release from all the tension that was building up, and he knew exactly where to get it.

The car stopped in front of the pharmacy on Field Street, only five minutes from the school. Ironically, next door was the tattoo parlor where him and Clare had gotten their matching piercings. He cooly brushed the thought away, just like she'd brushed him.

Eli pulled out his wallet, taking out a year-old prescription he'd forgotten to fill. He'd gotten into a small accident in his dad's car last year, before he'd bought Morty, and they'd prescribed painkillers for his injuries.

A smirk played on his lips as he skillfully changed the date to the current year, using a trick one of his old friends had taught him. The car door swung open, and Eli walked into the pharmacy, making his way through the lines of medication to the front desk.

_I'll face myself, to cross out what I've become,_

_Erase myself, and let go of what I've done..._

"Alright, this will go right to your heath care bill." The pharmacist confirmed. Eli nodded, pulling out his wallet to show her his Health ID card. She cleared it, handing it back along with the medication. He nodded, smiling briefly as he walked back towards the door. He didn't even bother walking out of the store before opening the bag, taking out the small prescription bottle.

Before he could get the lid off, his cell phone rang. Eli sighed, pulling out his phone; Clare's name flashed across the screen, making him flinch. He wasn't sure why she was calling, either to apologize or tell him she wanted to break up. He hoped it was the first one.

He drew in a deep breath before answering, gaining his composure. "Yes?" he stated bluntly, leaning on the hood of Morty. "Eli...hey. About earlier, I-I...I meant what I said."

His heart stopped.

"W-what are you saying?" he replied lowly, a ball of emotions getting caught in his throat. "I think we should...give each other some space. It's not that I want to, but-" Eli laughed sadistically, cutting her off. "Of course you want to. Why else would you be saying this, calling me?" he shouted, tensing up.

Clare sighed audibly, "Eli, I'm sorry. I just...I can't be with you all the time. I need my own space." Eli shook his head, hanging up the phone. He shoved his phone in his pocket, turning to face Morty; his fists collided with the hood of the car, slamming down hard on it's metal surface. The prescription bottle was clenched tightly in his hands, turning his knuckles white.

Eli felt tears start to form in his eyes, quickly blinking them back as he opened the bottle. He poured out at least 5 pills, swallowing them dry. He coughed slightly, swallowing again before walking around to the driver's side.

He began to feel slightly lightheaded, the effects of the drug starting to work their ways. He started the car again, placing his phone on the seat next to him. The car started up, the engine and music combined wearing down his ears. He picked up his phone again, re-dialing Clare.

_Put to rest, what you thought of me,_

_As I clean this slate with the hands of uncertainty,_

_So let mercy come, and wash away..._

"Eli, why did you hang up on me?" Clare asked, slight concern playing in her voice. Eli ignored her comment, getting straight to the point. "You made a promise, rememeber? That you'd never leave me." he informed icily, biting the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw blood.

He grew silent, his jaw clenching tightly. Clare began speaking, her words only becoming jumbled together as he felt more and more lightheaded.

"Eli, answer me!" Clare screamed, grabbing Eli's attention. "Goodbye." he said bluntly, closing the phone once more. Everything started to fade away, his vision becoming less and less clear by the seconds that passed. Seconds turned to minutes in what seemed no time at all; Eli's consciousness was fading, and his eyelids were closing.

Car horns blared around him, seeming louder than anything he'd heard in the past. His eyes finally shut, as did everything else around him.

_I'll face myself, to cross out what I've become,_

_Erase myself, and let go of what I've done..._

_

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_**A/N:** Well, if you couldn't tell, that was inspired by the TeenNick promo for the upcoming season. I hope you enjoyed. ;)

Review, darlings :)

Muchlove.


	2. Valentine's Day

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Degrassi, the characters in this story, or the lyrics to Valentine's Day (Linkin Park; Minutes to Midnight)

**A/N: **Okay, thank you for the reviews, views, everything! I'm so glad you guys liked the first chapter. I did get one review about the Oxycodone in the last chapter, and I have changed it to an over-the-counter type. I didn't exactly research the drug, so I'm sorry for any confusion, and thank you to RandallsVCUbaby for pointing that out.

Otherwise, enjoy this chapter! It'll be the last, so take it in, lovlies ;)

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**-Valentine's Day-**

_My insides all turn to ash, so slow._

_And blew away as I collapsed, so cold._

_A black wind took them away, from sight,_

_And now the darkness over day, that night,_

_And the clouds above move closer, looking so dissatisfied,_

_And the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing..._

Eli's eyes fluttered open, his head pounding as his hearing returned. Police sirens blared, car horns going off amidst the various engine roars. He realized he was laying on the hood of his car, limbs stretched out on the metal surface. He tried to sit up, but the pain in his head was too great. Collapsing in defeat, he drifted off again, a pair of arms lifting him from the hood of the car.

A paramedic lifted the boy's body from the car hood, placing him on a stretcher. She took his pulse, slowing down by the minute. Trying her best to revive him, he wouldn't come to. A team of medics climbed out of the back of the ambulance, rushing to get him inside. The doors slammed shut, the vehicle starting through the crowd of cars towards the hospital. Eli's mind was shutting down quickly, the last of his consciousness, his life, slipping away.

A shock coursed through his body, boosting his heart rate up. A 'CLEAR!' sounded through the van, followed by another jolt of electricity. His eyes shot open as he gasped for air, coughing up a small amount of blood. There was a sense of relief throughout the ambulance, but it faded as they bombarded him with questions as to what went wrong. Eli grew angry, the questions too much for him to handle in his state. "Shut up...j-just, painkillers..." he muttered, coughing again. One of the paramedics slowly held him down, as another handed him a glass of water. Eli took a drink eagerly, only feeling sicker than he had before after taking a sip. He recognized the taste; ipecac.

He threw up, another medic taking a small amount of blood from his wrists. Eli's vomiting ceased, and fell back onto the stretcher, closing his eyes. A sigh escaped his lips as he relaxed, getting used to the rocking of the ambulance as they made their way to the hospital.

_I used to be my own protection, but not now,_

_'Cause my path has lost direction, somehow..._

Clare cried, curling up into a ball on her bed. Everything she was feeling, every little emotion was spilling out of her. What she thought was picture-perfect, or at least close to it, was falling apart in her hands. She couldn't help but feel responsible. Eli was unstable, he needed her to be the one thing he could count on; and she'd turned her back on him unintentionally. The pressure he'd put on her was more than she'd ever experienced. Clare had never had a relationship like the one she had with Eli.

She loved every minute of it.

But these past few weeks, he hadn't been the same. Not since Fitz came back, at least. They'd stayed clear of each other, not speaking a word. In a strange sense, Fitz seemed _afraid_ of Eli. He'd actually smiled at Clare though; he had the nerve to even look at her, after he'd called her a bitch. She'd brush by him, though a part of her wondered what he had to say.

Ever since he did come back, however, Eli had been hanging onto Clare like a security blanket. She'd rarely left his side; they'd spent every possible moment together, and he still insisted on more time together. That pressure, that constant reminder that he needed her, was what sent her on edge.

_"STOP!"_ she'd screamed, pushing him away from her. _"You're suffocating me."_

She looked back on it now, in the state she was in, and cried harder. She wondered how she could be so cruel. A voice in the back of her head told her she was right in what she did, but she pushed it away, wanting to believe she was the source of all of the pain she felt, not Eli.

Her phone rang, a number she didn't recognize flashing on the caller ID. Clare reluctantly picked it up, clearing her throat to get rid of her tear-choked aura. "H-Hello?" she answered, sitting up on her bed. "Hello, this is Toronto General Hospital. I got your name of a contact sheet. We would like to inform you that Elijah Goldsworthy is currently in the ER." the dull voice said, carelessly telling her that Eli was in the emergency room. Clare stuttered, trying to find the words to respond to the information that'd been delivered seconds before. "I-I...what?" she whimpered, covering her mouth with her hand.

"He should be out in around an hour. They have to finish running some bloodwork, but you could stop by, if possible." the voice replied. Clare muttered something inaudible, hanging up the phone. She sighed heavily, a tear slipping down her cheek as she muttered a silent prayer. She slipped on a pair of flats, pulling on a jacket as she ran downstairs. "I'll be back later!" she shouted, slamming the door shut. Clare started on foot towards the hospital, just wanting to get there before...she didn't want to think about that. He was going to be okay, she knew it.

_And the clouds above moved closer, looking so dissatisfied,_

_And the ground below grew colder, as they put you down inside,_

_But the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing..._

Clare burst through the doors of the hospital, running to the front desk. "W-where's...Eli...Goldsworthy's...room?" she asked, panting. The nurse gave her a weird look, directing her towards the ER's hallway. Clare swallowed, walking fast towards the double-doors labeled 'ER'.

Eli took in a deep breath, sitting up slowly in the hospital bed. His chest still hurt from the defibrillator; it left rectangular red marks on various places on his chest. He rubbed it through the hospital gown slowly, cringing slightly. He took in a sharp breath as footsteps approached his room, preparing for some annoying kid he didn't know to come bombard him with questions. "Clare..." he whispered, seeing the girl he was so madly in love with standing in the doorway.

Her eyes were tear-stained and slightly puffy, her hair curled perfectly, and her lips parted slightly. He could've died a happy man right there, the very vision of heaven standing just a few feet away from him. "W-what are you doing here?" he asked softly, regaining some of his composure. She half-smiled, walking to his bedside. "I heard you were here. T-the hospital called my cell." She took in a deep breath, "Eli, what happened? You hung up on me...and then you're in the hospital?"

Eli cringed at the memory, the feeling of the dry pills slipping down his throat, drowning out his problems. "I...I might have taken some painkillers." he said lowly, trying to hide his face from Clare. She gasped lightly, taking his hand in hers. Eli relaxed slightly, the warmth of her hand giving him a familiar comfort, one he thought he'd never feel again.

"Why would you do that?" she asked quietly, sitting on the edge of his bed. He shrugged heavily, his hands beginning to shake. "I thought...I though you'd never want to be with me again. I though you would leave me for good. Clare, I can't live without you." He looked her into the eyes, tears welling up. "Oh, Eli..." she whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck. She cried into his shoulder, holding him close to her. "I could never leave you, Eli. Don't ever think that. I..I love you."

Eli wrapped his arms around her back with a newfound strength, pulling her onto his lap. "I love you, too. More than you'll ever know."

_So now you're gone, and I was wrong,_

_I never knew what it was like, to be alone..._

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_**A/N: **Well, I hope you enjoyed the last chapter! I thought it was incredibly sad, and I was close to tears writing this.

Review, darlings!

Muchlove.


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